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Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal<\/em>, October 30, 2006<\/p>\n Vote, vote, vote, So apparently there is an election today. How were we to know this? Oh yeah. The yard signs and billboards, tv ads and mailers, robo-calls and emails, the shouting, the pontificating, the bald-face lies, the hints of improprieties, the actual improprieties, the convenient omissions, the partisans, the non-partisans, the partisans pretending to be non-partisans, and the heart-felt concern for the (I, I feel a tear coming. Oh please Lord let me work up a tear!) the …children.<\/p>\n Truth is, I love it. What\u2019s not to love? Sure elections can be awfully ugly and very, very messy. But tell me: What isn\u2019t potentially ugly and messy when two or more people are involved? Cartoonists count on this stuff.<\/p>\n Vote, vote, vote, Right. So speaking of my dim view of large groups of people, let\u2019s talk ballot proposals. Ballot proposals are what happen when either (A) the executive or legislative branches of government cannot come up with a difficult law, so they weasel out by \u201cletting the people decide.\u201d Or (B) an interest group tries to bypass the system by \u201cletting the people decide.\u201d<\/p>\n Now \u201cletting the people decide\u201d is not in and of itself a bad thing. It makes sense for, say, school mileages. Do you want to pay a certain amount of your taxes for a certain amount of time to take care of your public schools, yes or no? Beautiful. Simple. Straight to the point.<\/p>\n But when it comes to deciding public policy and defining social issues, not so much. And Michigan has some lulus this year. We can vote to establish a mourning dove hunting season. (What the… Mourning doves? Hunt? You\u2019re asking me? Where do I check \u201cI don\u2019t know, and I don\u2019t care.\u201d?) We can vote to guarantee state funding to public schools. (That sounds good — in much the same way term limits and minimum long-term prison sentences to drug possession sounded good. Might there be some unintended consequences? Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! I\u2019ll think about that tomorrow.)<\/p>\n But the one that really bugs me is the so-called affirmative action proposal. Two years ago the United States Supreme Court decided on a case for the University of Michigan. Sandra Day O\u2019Conner wrote a well-thought decision stating that establishing quotas (explicit or de-facto) for race or gender was wrong for a public universities. However, diversity on campus is a compelling reason to allow gender and race to be considered as part of a mix of admissions criteria. (Bah! Who needs well-thought decision when you can get impulsive opinion and tack it on to the constitution so it sticks?)<\/p>\n Vote, vote, vote,
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a goat,
\n’cause goats can’t vote.
\nvote vote vote,
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a candied yam,
\n’cause candied yams can’t vote.<\/p>\n
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a donut,
\n’cause donuts don’t vote.
\nVote, vote, vote,
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a potted plant,
\n’cause potted plants don’t vote.<\/p>\n
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a fellon,
\n’cause fellons can’t vote.
\nVote, vote, vote,
\nvote, vote, vote.
\nUnless you are a can of ham,
\n’cause cans of ham can’t vote.<\/p>\n