Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, July 2009

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 20, 2009

This went along with an article on the despite-the-odds success of certain Michigan-made products. I wouldn’t be offended if this ode to Hudsonville Ice Cream were rewarded with a free pint of Deer Traxx. Alas, I have yet to be contacted. (Maybe I should have gone with an ode to Michigan blueberries….)

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 13, 2009

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 6, 2009

’nuff said

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, June 29, 2009

For those who notice the resemblance — no, my father-in-law who put in 40+ years at GM has not in fact taken a job as a security guard. Yet, anyway…

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, June 2009

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, June 22, 2009

For the record (for those who actually read any distance into the comic’s dense copy), I adore black licorice. Good & Plenties are the best. (Sing along with me! — “Charlie says, love my Good and Plenties. Charlie says, really rings a bell. Charlie says, love my Good and Plenties. Don’t know any other candy that I love so well.) Ah, I can just feel the black ooze at the corners of my mouth building up a nice crust that I can enjoy later again and again….

And by the way, all you posers out there who claim to love licorice but not black licorice — I have nothing but contempt for you. Red, blue, even chocolate flavors are abominations. Tis sacrilege to even consider them licorice simply because of their twisted, strandy shape. Woe! Woe unto you, blasphemous Twizzlerites. You shall pay dearly for your transgressions! An eternal hellfire of off-brand and misnamed confections! Repent and embrace the one true licorice!!!