Auchtoon!

It will help if readers are familiar with slapstick movies from the early 1900s — Buster Keaton, Laurel & Hardy, Three Stooges, and the like. Specifically the classic bit with a guy carrying a long board on his shoulder and — as he navigates safely through a construction site — unknowingly and repeatedly clobbering people with the back end of the board.

That’s kind of how I see Trump — he’s carrying a board though our country looking out only for himself and either unaware of or uncaring about the collateral damage. It’s funny in a movie. Not so much when it’s happening in real life.

There is so much going on in the country and the world right now. And, as you may have noticed, most of it not good. War, starvation, grift, economic turmoil, constitutional crisis, rising authoritarianism — well, you get it.

It’s awful. But it’s also compelling. Cable news and social media are a constant feed of train wrecks, one after the other (with an occasional cat video), and we can’t not look. Which is a problem because while we’re locked in on that stuff, we can miss the local stuff that we actually have degree of control over.

So the cartoon is a bit of a self-own. As much as I like to think of myself as above the fray, I most certainly am not. I just realized that we have an election next week! It’s all local stuff — city council members and school millage requests — but that’s important. It’s where I live.

Hopefully, you are not playing catch-up like me and have thought ahead about what’s on your ballot, done your due diligence, and are planning to make (or have already made) an informed vote. If you haven’t, there’s still time. Don’t worry — all that terrible news will be waiting for us when we get back to it.

My wife and I were on vacation in the UP last week. On Sunday, we were heading east on US-2 nearing St. Ignace. Typically on a nice summer day, it’s easy to get peaks of the bridge on the approach. But even though it wasn’t the worst of the bad air days last week, there was no sign of the Mighty Mac through the haze. A little unsettling. (But then, actually being on the bridge 200 feet above open water is also somewhat unsettling.)

What is infinitely more unsettling is the wholesale rejection of the science behind that haze. Scientists and climate experts uniformly tell us that climate change brought about by fossil fuel usage is a root cause of the Canadian wildfires. Many people — including those in leadership positions in the federal government — find this inconvenient, unacceptable, or (by their own declaration) fake news. But that doesn’t stop it from being true.

If you are an out-of-state visitor coming to Michigan to attend the Detroit Auto Show that starts this weekend, you may notice that the locals are a notch or two happier than you might expect. This may seem odd to you, maybe even unsettling. After all, the automobile industry is in a state of uncertainty, our now apparent object of conquest Canada looms right across the river, and then there’s the persistent dread that Ted Nugent lives somewhere around here.

But there is in fact a good reason for our general happiness: The Detroit Lions

And if you want to join in on the happiness, don’t worry — you don’t actually need to know anything about them. You only need to be open to hearing about them. Merely say “How about those Lions?” and then sit back as your new Michigander friends regale you on the virtues of the current team. They may detour into the past decades of despair (old habits are hard to break), but say the magic words (Dan Campbell), and they will be right back on track.

Enjoy the brief respite from a world of unhappy news. And if you really want to make friends, buy one of our cars.

Sometimes it’s difficult to trace exactly where an idea for a cartoon comes from. But sometimes it’s crystal clear. For example, this week.

I was reading an article in the Washington Post about how developers in Galveston Island, Texas, are building luxury, waterfront condos in areas unprotected by a sea wall. This, despite the fact that sea levels (particularly in the Gulf of Mexico) are rising precipitously, compounded by more violent storms brought on by global climate change.

Then of course there was all the news about Hurricane Helene, which may or may not have devastated Florida by the time you are reading this. Just like past hurricanes have. Just like increasingly powerful hurricanes in the future will. Swampland handles this well. People living in swampland, not so much.

Meanwhile, I’m hoping to finish fixing the roof of my shed this weekend in preparation for winter. Because I live in a sensible, somewhat predictable place, I don’t anticipate receiving any federal disaster relief money for the effort.

My wife and I just got back from a summer vacation that spanned Michigan locations from Kalamazoo to the Keweenaw, and I gotta say, we live in a truly beautiful state. Sure, the perfect weather helped. But do you now what else helped? The roads. Yep, you read that right: The Michigan roads.

It had been eight years since we took such an extensive road trip, and the roads (particularly in northern lower Michigan and the UP) are noticeably improved. Not just the smooth pavement, but the addition of passing lanes, clearer sightlines, and roadside rest stops made it a pleasure. Nicely done, Department of Transportation and road construction workers!

Geez Louise, I’m so rested and relaxed I’m complimenting government agencies! So you can understand why I’m looking to avoid anything that will harsh this particular mellow. Say, for example, salty old Republican politicians who want to fill me with fear and anger.

I don’t blame them. It’s a proven strategy, and between their presidential ticket and U.S. Senate candidate Mike Rogers, they seem pretty committed to it. But that doesn’t mean I have to let them ruin my summer.

From the NPR story:

“The mother of a Michigan teenager who killed four fellow students and wounded seven other people during a mass shooting at Oxford High School in 2021 was convicted Tuesday in connection with her son’s crimes.

The jury found Jennifer Crumbley guilty of four counts of involuntary manslaughter. It’s believed to be the first time a parent has been tried for manslaughter in connection with a mass shooting conducted by their child.”

Everything about the events leading up to the mass shooting, the shooting itself, and events afterward is saturated with sadness. From the victims to the perpetrators, there are absolutely no winners. The only redeeming takeaway may be that a small amount justice seems to have been served.

The parents of the shooter had clearly been negligent in their responsibilities to their son and their community. (Ms. Crumbley’s husband, James, will soon be tried on the same charges.) She will now have to face lawful consequences for her actions (or, more accurately, inaction).

It doesn’t fix anything, but justice does provide a reason to be hopeful that lessons have been learned.

Is it fair to hold the University of Michigan and Michigan State University to a higher standard just because they are “institutions of higher learning”? Sure. Although colleges and universities don’t guarantee learning, they do provide the opportunity to learn. And some otherwise smart administrators and coaches seemingly continue not to take the opportunity.

• Larry Nassar Case: https://believed.michiganradio.org/
• Robert Anderson Case: https://www.michiganradio.org/tags/dr-robert-anderson
• Mel Tucker Firing: https://www.michiganradio.org/sports/2023-10-25/michigan-state-hearing-officer-rules-mel-tucker-sexually-harassed-brenda-tracy-ap-source-says
• Sign-Stealing Scandal: https://www.michiganradio.org/sports/2023-10-20/michigan-suspends-football-program-employee-while-under-ncaa-investigation

Although the cartoon this week is not specifically about Michigan, I would argue that anything about Florida directly relates to Michigan. We’re connected. Michiganders visit there, vacation there, many of us even eventually move there. I mean, lots of sun and no state income tax, what’s not to like, right? Well, as it turns out…

You guys read the news — you don’t need me to list it out. Suffice to say, Florida has clearly been the epicenter of our nation’s culture wars recently, and that doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon.

But beyond the current political and social conditions in Florida, I have to admit that I do have a personal axe to grind with the state, and it has to do with their professional sports teams. For the past dozen years or so, Tampa Bay and Miami teams have been astonishingly successful while Detroit teams have been astonishingly terrible. As I write this, the Florida Panthers (yes, that’s a real team) are in the Stanley Cup finals, and the Miami Heat are a game away from the NBA Finals. The Red Wings and Pistons didn’t come close to getting in the playoffs.

But thing is, their fans don’t seem to care. We Michiganders live and die with our teams; we cling to and celebrate championships from decades past and relive every bitter defeat as if they were yesterday. Florida fans might stay for the entire game when they win and then be completely “oh well” indifferent when they lose.

So I may be a little bitter. Okay, a lot bitter.

I like the idea of electing leaders who see the value of good governance, but I’m more afraid of those willing (even enthused) about burning the whole house down.

I like the idea of passing laws that ensure all people (especially women) have access to affordable, high-quality health care, but I’m more afraid of the zealots and ideologues intent on doing or saying anything to prevent that.

I like the idea of making voting as accessible as possible, but I’m more afraid of how dedicated supporters of the Big Lie are continuously attempting to undermine that.

I like the idea of candidates capable of being open-minded and admitting mistakes, but I’m more afraid of those who will always put party and self-interest first.

I like the idea of supporting democracy, but I’m more afraid of how it can be whittled away and replaced by authoritarianism.