Auchtoon!

See? See?! This is exactly why I think it’s ridiculous to declare allegiance to any particular political party. Who they are and what they represent is a fluid thing — they change over time. Sometimes very, very quickly.

It was just eight years ago when automaker CEOs were also schlepping to Washington DC. Back then it really was to secure a future for the American manufacturing industry. They were harangued by all flavors of lawmakers. And rightfully so. The automakers had not created the crisis (a bursting housing bubble had done that), but they had left themselves highly vulnerable with years and years of bad decision-making.

But what was particularly hard to take were Republican senators like Jeff Sessions of Alabama riding around on their high horses extolling the purity and sanctity of unfettered capitalism. (Never mind that they basically bought their assembly plants with massive tax breaks.)

So what happened to the Republican party whose supposed rock-bed tenet is free and open markets? Because now it seems that same party is leading the way to closing markets, applying tariffs, inserting itself at every opportunity, and attempting to pick the winners and losers.

The answer is, the party evolves. And so the Republican party of eight years ago has the same name, but for all intents and purposes, it has become the Nationalist party. If it’s new rock-bed tenet is America first, all that free market capitalism (and everything else) by definition is going to have a lower priority.

Well, at least there are virtuous leaders within the federal government who will be there to ensure the auto industry and Michigan get a fair shake. Leaders like the new Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, who… oh, never mind.

One of the big downsides to January in Michigan is the annual State of the State address. (Of course, the main upside to January in Michigan is that it isn’t February.) We have not been blessed with governors who are accomplished orators, at least not during the time that I’ve been editorial cartooning.

John Engler was so bad it was actually part of his charm. (That may be the only published instance where you will see “charm” and “John Engler” in the same sentence.) He was an effective behind-the-scenes guy who was clearly uncomfortable speechifying. You could almost see the thought balloon above his head as he talked, “My hands. What do I do with my hands?”

Jennifer Granholm had skills but in the “smart kid hitting all her marks” sense. Technically there, but something much less than inspiring. True, as governor during Michigan’s lost decade, she had some pretty grim material to work with. But then so did Churchill, and he did okay. (Perhaps governors should be required to deliver all future speeches using a British accent.)

Before I dump on Governor Snyder, I should mention my own deficiencies in this area. When I was in high school I purposely took debate and forensics in an effort to become decent at public speaking. Thank goodness this was before ubiquitous recording devices and YouTube because I was bad. Legendarily bad. There were times when I could see in a judge’s eyes her longing for a tranquilizer gun to put me down and end everybody’s misery.

The remarkable thing about Snyder’s address wasn’t the expected not-so-great delivery, it was the content. Both Engler and Granholm pretty much gave up in their last terms, but here Rick Snyder seemed to be announcing “I’m kinda done with this” ahead of time!

Especially the infrastructure thing. I know it’s a tough gig with a Republican legislature actively working against him. (Admittedly, drawing him disappearing into a sinkhole probably isn’t helping, either.) But I think this would have been a good time to rally Michigan citizens with some sort of definitive plan! Oy.

I guess what I’m saying is, out of the two farewell addresses I heard in the last week, I preferred Obama’s.

The Amazon TV-series “The Man in the High Castle” explores an America in which the Allies lost World War II and Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan rule over our country. A 2004 mockumentary, “C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America,” considers what might have happened if the South had won our Civil War. These sorts of alternate histories can be highly entertaining and also add perspective to real history through drama and satire.

I’d love to see a take on modern America, and specifically Michigan, if the automobile industry had been allowed to collapse eight years ago. I think it would be fascinating, especially if it used real economic models to extrapolate the consequences.

Of course, the reality was that the auto industry contracted hard, but first the Bush Administration and then the Obama Administration provided cover for survival. And credit where credit is due: It was Michigan autoworkers, from designers in Ann Arbor, to engineers in Detroit, to line workers in Flint (as well as suppliers and fabricators all over state) who contributed mightily to bring it back to its very healthy current state.

That good health is fairly obvious at the North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) presently going on in Detroit, and radically different from the NAIAS of 2009. Today we are talking about viable, mass-produced fully electric cars (the Chevy Bolt), a top-level pickup truck (Honda Ridgeline) not built by the big three, and — my goodness — the rebirth of the minivan (Chrysler Pacifica). We even have a major player (Volkswagen) openly confessing its sins and accepting the punishment. That’s progress!

In fact, one of the few similarities between now and then, is the chatter of government intervention. Back then, it was substantial and serious and critical to survival. Today it is randomly generated tweets. If you think about it, that too is progress, and I’m glad not to be in a Michigan of alternate history.

Earlier this week Governor Snyder offered President-elect Trump some unsolicited advice, as one businessperson who was new to public office to another: Respect that most government workers know what they’re doing. You can read the Michigan Radio story here: http://michiganradio.org/post/snyder-trump-respect-accomplishments-public-employees

It was actually pretty good advice, but it may ring a little hollow coming from Snyder. Of course the cartoon exaggerates what Snyder has said to public servants (as well as the public servant’s response), but it does capture the narrative that helped get Snyder elected and has generated much of his political power, which is: All private sector workers are virtuous, hard-working folks who earn their pay. All public sector workers are corrupt, lazy sub-humans who are a drain on society.

True to form, Trump has not only ignored the advice but doubled-down by calling into question the competence and integrity of our nation’s intelligence agencies and its workers. So now in addition to bureaucrats, educators, the IRS, and the military, our next president is starting off on the wrong foot with the FBI and CIA. Undoubtedly most of these workers are dedicated professionals, but how many times do they have to hear their Commander-in-Chief tell them they suck?

The best allegory I can think of for this is from science fiction humorist Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. He tells a story of the planet Golgafrincham. The inhabitants are convinced their planet is somehow doomed (their planet will crash into their sun, a moon will crash into the planet, they will be invaded by twelve-foot piranha bees — nobody knew for sure).

So they conceive a plan to escape. The Golgafrinchans identify a third of their population to be essentially useless, which includes those whose job it is to sanitize public telephones. They round of up these folks first and ship them off on a spaceship. After they are gone, the remaining population delights in their new utopia and decide to stay. Soon, however, a virulent disease contracted via unsanitary telephones wipes them all out. (If Trump can’t seem to heed direct advice, I can’t imagine he would comprehend the moral of the story, but there it is.)