Auchtoon!

I wouldn’t say Michigan’s relationship with General Motors is dysfunctional. I think it’s more a case of unrealistic expectations. The auto industry is an integral part of our Michigan identity. So we, as people, tend to take it personally when GM does something that affects Michigan people negatively such as the plan announced this week to layoff workers and close plants in Hamtramck/Detroit and Warren.

It seems harsh, yes. Thankless. And one could even argue needlessly cold — why can’t they just say “we are closing the facility” instead of “we will no longer allocate product,” which makes it sound like they are going to to death? But in the end, GM is a corporation doing what corporations do, which is what is best for them. Always.

This again demonstrates the importance of electing legislators who actively prioritize people interests. In the meantime, I suggest we take advantage of the opportunities generated by a healthy GM, but give up the idea that it will in any way be the “Generous Motors” of yore. Corporations are not people (no matter what the US Supreme Court says), so we shouldn’t expect them to act like people.

I imagine that some Thanksgiving dinners were a lot less tense when The Game took place the weekend before the holiday instead of after. Sure, a certain amount of tribalism is inevitable — it’s who we humans are. But usually we’re somewhat more civil after a battle.

Whatever your particular situation, I hope you had a safe and relaxing Thanksgiving Day. I hope you were able to share time with the ones you love. I hope you were able to both give and get kindness and acceptance from those around you. And I hope that Michigan beats the crap out of Ohio State.

I apologize to all of you who now have “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year” stuck in your head. It is, of course, inevitable that this would happen at some point during the holiday season. But especially cruel to have it happen before its official start. My bad.

It could be worse, though. I could have rewritten the lyrics for “The Little Drummer Boy” instead.

…

I would like also to apologize to all of you who now have “The Little Drummer Boy” stuck in your head.

When my kids were in elementary school, they would take AR tests. AR was short for Accelerated Reading, and the idea was positive reinforcement. At any time a kid could take a quick comprehension test on a book that they had read. If they passed, they got points, and there were rewards for a certain number of points.
My daughter Natalina was an avid reader from an early age, and in first grade had accumulated quite a few AR points. One day she came home with a printout of an AR test in which she had gotten only one out of five questions right. My wife noticed it was for a book Natalina had read dozens of times.

She asked, “Sweetheart, what happened here? You know that book — how’d you miss so many questions?”

Natalina said, “My friend Justin was helping me take the test.” A brief pause. “Justin can’t read.”

My wife advised her that in the future it would be wise not to let Justin help her on AR tests.

So that’s my favorite example of mansplaining: when the desire to be knowledgeable supersedes actual knowledge.

The truth is, I have lots more to say about the election next week. Lots and lots. Opinions, comments, bitter asides, personal observations. Oh, and advice. I have a tremendous amount of incredibly valuable advice!

If you’re looking for platitudes, I got your platitudes — from comforting and seemingly sympathetic to grossly unfair and downright patronizing. How about historical analysis? Or clever metaphors? Or a puzzle that’s actually a sardonic critique of the political establishment (but maybe is, wait for it, just a puzzle after all)!

I could go on. I want to go on! Those of you familiar with my often wordy editorial cartooning style can attest to the fact that I sometimes do go on. But the only truly important thing I have to say this week is: vote. Please vote.