Auchtoon!

There is a fantastic children’s book called Everyone Poops by Tarō Gomi. It was one of our kids favorites — fun to read and engaging artwork (actual images of poop, notwithstanding). It’s not much of a spoiler to tell you it’s about the fact that every human, every living animal, eliminates waste. And although there may be great variation in size and shape, it is something we all have to do, a universally shared experience. (My favorite part: “A one-hump camel makes a one-hump poop. And a two-hump camel makes a two-hump poop. …only kidding!”)

And so as human animals we universally share the need to take care of business in a safe, relatively dignified place, right? So whatever you think about transgender people, we can all start there. And I think that’s where the Michigan school board did start when it was tasked with developing some volunteer guidelines to ensure a place for all children to take care of business.

Now many people have legitimate concerns about how, functionally, that is going to happen and the effects it might have on them and their children. Yes, of course. Let’s talk about that. Let’s learn more. Let’s figure it out. But let’s keep in mind the overarching goals (safety, dignity) and avoid reactionary legislation, such as a bill Senator Tom Casperson is planning to introduce. As North Carolina has demonstrated, it would just make matters worse. Everyone poops, Senator. But nobody has to be a poop.

Well there were plenty of words in today’s cartoon, so there is no need to add a lot more here. If you are not familiar with the Norman Shy/Detroit Public School debacle (or you are familiar and feel the need to get your blood pressure up), here is the backstory.

I would like to note that I realize I may have gone too far with the middle panel. However, my original concept had Pope Francis driving his fist Raging Bull-style through Shy’s jaw — spit, blood, teeth flying. Luckily I could not find a picture of Norman Shy to draw him.

I’m not sure why, but “weasel” has become my go-to descriptor the shifty, scummy, and skeevy. I don’t know how weasels got such a negative association, but it seems to work. It identifies a certain lowly behavior — conniving, possibly even cunning, but most definitely self-serving. And it’s lack of bias makes it quite versatile. It can be applied across gender, race, age, politics. For examples, Todd Courser & Cindy Gamrat — weasels. Those principals who embezzled money from the Detroit Public Schools — weasels. The governor of North Carolina — weasel. Ted Cruz — ferret face.

The weasel image I default to is the bad guys from the “Wind and the Willows” (specifically, the Disney animated version from 1949) who are, in fact, weasels. Disney has the copyright locked down pretty tight, so I can’t provide a link to the animation, but here’s an image:

Can’t you just see these guys apologizing and accepting responsibility in one instance, then blaming others and hiding behind lawyers in the next? Yeah, me too.

I remember reading an interview with Garry Trudeau of “Doonesbury” fame in which he gave this advice to upcoming politically-minded cartoonists: You can be more effective if you occasionally loosen your grip on the jugular. (Put another way, you Tigers opening day fans — the fastball can be more effective if you throw an occasional change-up.)

So consider this my grip loosened and my up changed. There remains plenty, plenty, plenty of rage inducing shenanigans going on in Michigan and the rest of the country, but I thought it best to poke a little fun at ourselves (and the truly godforsaken weather we’ve had this week). And even though I’m one of the poor slobs who has had to endure it, I have no intention of strangling anybody.

Then again, I did read this on Michigan Radio’s website: “Former state Reps. Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat have filed a notice with the Michigan Court of Claims that they could sue the state and others to recoup more than $500,000 for lost wages and compensatory damages for psychological and emotional distress related to their removal from office.”

Ahhhh! I feel the rage coming on. And it’s helping to keep me warm!

If history teaches us anything (and it mostly doesn’t seem to), it teaches us that our fears can cause us to make some regrettable decisions. We have perfectly justifiable fears — of the new, of the different, of just plain change (we’re human after all). But then we let those fears run roughshod. A worry here, a concern there, and then all of the sudden the Japanese-Americans are being sent off to internment camps. Do you know what I mean? Fear is like a fertilizer for poor choices.

So what do you say we get ahead of it this time, huh? How about we think this one through and avoid passing any sort of legislation that marginalizes transgender people? We can do the right thing now and be proud ourselves. Or we can let fear rule and ruin lives until we come to our senses. C’mon gang! One time ’round without the guilt and shame?