Auchtoon!

Not too long ago when I would draw a cartoon related to the city of Detroit, a good portion of the feedback I’d get included suggestions to build some sort of wall around the city to seal it off from the rest of Michigan. At the time, I recognized these not as legitimate proposals, but folks either venting their frustrations or mongering their fears. Now I’m not so sure they weren’t perfectly serious.

I mean, their argument was that Detroit was different and dangerous. We had made bad deals and they were soaking us, taking our money. Worst, they were invading our land and bringing their drugs and crime. Rapists. I’m sure many were fine people, but….

You see where I’m going with this, right?

To be clear, I am not trying to make an apples-to-apples case for Detroit circa 2013 and the Mexican border circa 2019. There are lots and lots of very obvious differences. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned.

The first: The desire to build large physical barriers is reactive — a seemingly simple solution to a complex problem. But you have to ask: Functionally, practically, financially, how would it work? The honest answer is: Not well, even in the unlikely event it could be completed.

The second: Think about how much better off Detroit and Michigan are today by working cooperatively, not punitively. Everything is certainly not sunshine and rainbows — there are still (and will always be) real issues. But we should look to solve problems, not mask them.

As always, I leave the cartoon open to your interpretation. (My intention is not to tell readers what to think — it’s more a nudge to get them to think.)

Also as always, these little essays that follow are not supposed to explain the cartoon. The cartoons should stand (or die) on their own. And no amount of “Don’t you get it? It’s funny because…” can revive a dead cartoon.

Mostly the essays are here to add a little context, provide more depth. Sometimes they explore a different view or present additional axes for me to grind.

Right. So. All that said, I’m going to go right ahead here and explain the cartoon and tell you what you should think about it:

It’s actually meant to be hopeful. Yes, it is disheartening that drivable roads, drinkable water, and functioning schools should be fairly simple to achieve. But they aren’t. And we Michiganders have been fooling ourselves for far too long to think that it should be easy. There is no magic solution. We can’t cut taxes or throw money or political gimmick our way to where we need to go. It will take planning and commitment and real work. I think Governor Whitmer set the right tone with her speech at the swearing in ceremony this week. Let’s hope that it carries through 2019.

(Next week I promise to get back to not telling you anything.)

Because the lame-duck session of the Michigan Legislature will conclude at some point past my deadline, I didn’t feel confident in commenting directly on what legislation will actually pass. Further, I have no idea what Governor Snyder may sign into law and what he may not.

So I decided to go with what I do know as generally true: Men make messes, women clean them up.

However this particular mess eventually gets sorted out, I wish you all a happy and peaceful holiday season. I look forward to marveling with you over a whole new set of Michigan shenanigans in the coming year.

On Wednesday this week, Governor Snyder signed a bill into law that will allow a tunnel for a new section of pipeline under the Straits of Mackinac to move forward. The intention is to resolve the status of the Embridge Line 5 oil pipeline, which currently is laid across the bottom the Straights and poses a potential for catastrophic disaster.

Snyder for some time has been negotiating with Embridge and other interests for a deal to keep the pipeline open. It’s a complicated set of environmental, economic, logistic, and (you guessed it) political issues. But it was mostly political that a bill was generated and fast-tracked to Snyder’s desk before the end of his term — an incoming governor Gretchen Whitmer almost certainly would not sign it.

For a number of reasons: Line 5 keeps operating as is for a decade or more while the tunnel is constructed. The questionable wisdom of making a huge infrastructure commitment to carbon-based energy. The trustworthiness of a health and safety issue involving Michigan water and Rick Snyder.

In any case, it’s not quite a done deal. There will be challenges to the tunnel and perhaps additional legislation. It may all work out fine. By the time it gets built (and fresh water becomes increasingly precious), Mackinaw City/St. Ignace might develop into a major metropolitan area that could use a tunnel for a subway link.

It was hard not to notice the stark contrast this week between events celebrating the late President George H.W. Bush’s life and the shameless actions of the Michigan (and Wisconsin) lame duck legislatures.

Bush Themes: Civility, democracy, respect for the office, doing what’s right, sacrifice, generosity, graciousness, honor, duty, trust the system, serve the people, country first.

Michigan Legislature Themes: Grab and cling to power, the end justifies the means, the people have spoken (but I know better), duplicity, greed, game the system, serve the special interests, political party first.

It’s as if a Dickensian story was being played out live in front of all of us, and the likes of Senate Majority Leader Arlan Meekhof completely missed the point. Maybe a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future would save them. Or maybe they’re the Jacob Marley’s who will wear the chains they are forging in life.

I wouldn’t say Michigan’s relationship with General Motors is dysfunctional. I think it’s more a case of unrealistic expectations. The auto industry is an integral part of our Michigan identity. So we, as people, tend to take it personally when GM does something that affects Michigan people negatively such as the plan announced this week to layoff workers and close plants in Hamtramck/Detroit and Warren.

It seems harsh, yes. Thankless. And one could even argue needlessly cold — why can’t they just say “we are closing the facility” instead of “we will no longer allocate product,” which makes it sound like they are going to to death? But in the end, GM is a corporation doing what corporations do, which is what is best for them. Always.

This again demonstrates the importance of electing legislators who actively prioritize people interests. In the meantime, I suggest we take advantage of the opportunities generated by a healthy GM, but give up the idea that it will in any way be the “Generous Motors” of yore. Corporations are not people (no matter what the US Supreme Court says), so we shouldn’t expect them to act like people.

I imagine that some Thanksgiving dinners were a lot less tense when The Game took place the weekend before the holiday instead of after. Sure, a certain amount of tribalism is inevitable — it’s who we humans are. But usually we’re somewhat more civil after a battle.

Whatever your particular situation, I hope you had a safe and relaxing Thanksgiving Day. I hope you were able to share time with the ones you love. I hope you were able to both give and get kindness and acceptance from those around you. And I hope that Michigan beats the crap out of Ohio State.

I apologize to all of you who now have “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year” stuck in your head. It is, of course, inevitable that this would happen at some point during the holiday season. But especially cruel to have it happen before its official start. My bad.

It could be worse, though. I could have rewritten the lyrics for “The Little Drummer Boy” instead.

…

I would like also to apologize to all of you who now have “The Little Drummer Boy” stuck in your head.

When my kids were in elementary school, they would take AR tests. AR was short for Accelerated Reading, and the idea was positive reinforcement. At any time a kid could take a quick comprehension test on a book that they had read. If they passed, they got points, and there were rewards for a certain number of points.
My daughter Natalina was an avid reader from an early age, and in first grade had accumulated quite a few AR points. One day she came home with a printout of an AR test in which she had gotten only one out of five questions right. My wife noticed it was for a book Natalina had read dozens of times.

She asked, “Sweetheart, what happened here? You know that book — how’d you miss so many questions?”

Natalina said, “My friend Justin was helping me take the test.” A brief pause. “Justin can’t read.”

My wife advised her that in the future it would be wise not to let Justin help her on AR tests.

So that’s my favorite example of mansplaining: when the desire to be knowledgeable supersedes actual knowledge.

The truth is, I have lots more to say about the election next week. Lots and lots. Opinions, comments, bitter asides, personal observations. Oh, and advice. I have a tremendous amount of incredibly valuable advice!

If you’re looking for platitudes, I got your platitudes — from comforting and seemingly sympathetic to grossly unfair and downright patronizing. How about historical analysis? Or clever metaphors? Or a puzzle that’s actually a sardonic critique of the political establishment (but maybe is, wait for it, just a puzzle after all)!

I could go on. I want to go on! Those of you familiar with my often wordy editorial cartooning style can attest to the fact that I sometimes do go on. But the only truly important thing I have to say this week is: vote. Please vote.