Auchtoon!

A reminder to readers: I’m a Michigan Tech grad and therefore an agnostic as far as the Michigan/Michigan State rivalry goes — I acknowledge that both schools exist, but I don’t worship either one.

So I was delighted when the Wolverines won the NCAA Men’s Division I basketball title this year. But I also don’t mind taking the opportunity to poke at the Schembechler-level of devotion of U of M zealots. If that makes the Spartan Nation happy, so be it.

Michigan Speaker of the House Matt Hall has been on quite a tear lately being …Matt Hall. Is that good or bad? You be the judge:

Last year Hall played a critical role in taking the budgetary process well outside of constitutional grounds. This year, the House and Senate have actually passed proposed budgets at this point, which is a positive step forward. Hall, however, has now floated the idea of not reconciling those bills until after the November election. It is, of course, a negotiating tactic — from the “he’s just crazy enough to burn down the whole #%&@* house down” school of negotiating.

Hall jumped on the Trumpian bandwagon of delaying the opening of the Gordie Howe Bridge, the bridge that Canada paid for. This also is a negotiating tactic. It’s from the “never miss an opportunity to screw your neighbor” school of negotiating.

Hall declined to let the Michigan House vote on a symbolic Pride Month resolution because it’s “too divisive.” Too divisive. Uh-huh. And this is clearly from the “pot calling the kettle black” school of hypocritical behavior.

The Gordie Howe Bridge was supposed to have its ribbon-cutting ceremony the day this cartoon is published (Friday, June 12). But as I write this, the opening has been delayed for “unresolved issues.” Those issues could be reasonable — last-minute safety protocols, weather delays pushing back finishing touches, that sort of thing. Or they could be yet even more jerking around by the Trump administration. (Maybe by the time you’re reading this, we know why.)

In any case, the bridge will open soon. It’s a forward-thinking investment in economic development. It’s infrastructure that relieves a bottleneck and encourages trade. It’s the sort of project that shows the United States at its best. Except, of course, it was Canada that made it happen. (But shout out to the State of Michigan for knowing when to get in on a good deal.)

Full disclosure: I’m a big fan of Roald Dahl’s work — his books and the movies made from them. Even the ones like 1971’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, which Dahl himself wasn’t especially fond of.

So when I saw a quote in a Bridge Michigan story where a business executive from a construction company proclaiming hyperscale data centers to be “golden tickets” for Michigan communities, I immediately thought, “He doesn’t understand that story very well, does he?”

Yes, Charlie Bucket does find one of the golden tickets in a Wonka Bar, and in the end his dreams come true. But only because he is the only pure and selfless one who deserves it. In the story of AI data centers, who is the Charlie character? Well, I don’t know who exactly, but I would say that it would be somebody like Pope Leo who recently shared his thoughts on AI in his first encyclical, “Magnifica Humanitas.” (Little known fact, Magnifica Humanitas is Latin for Charlie Bucket.)

I don’t think most business executives have much in common with the Pope, especially the bros of the AI world. They sound more like the other children with golden tickets who had much different endings — Augustus Gloop, Violet Beauregarde, Mike Teevee. But mostly Veruca Salt.