Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, December 1, 2008

This comic was printed ahead of the recent “round 2” of the Detroit automakers coming to Washington seeking a loan from the federal government. But it’s pretty appropriate for today because after all the negotiations and compromises, the Senate killed the proposal.

You know what? Fine. Good. Whatever. I’m done with it. I’m done with Citicorp popping by for an afternoon visit and a quick $35 billion while our corporations get bitch slapped by a bunch of pompous windbags for several weeks and leave with nothing. I’m done with years and years of my taxes leaving my state and landing in the unnecessary military bases, stupid infrastructure projects, and hopelessly inept schools of other states (talkin’ about you, Alabama). I’m done with no value being placed on companies that actually make stuff while companies that do nothing but shift funds and skim profits are cheered and subsidized.

I’m done with the pretzel logic of key senators voting against a loan to automakers because they felt environmental provisions were too restrictive — or because they screwed up so badly on the Wall Street bailout — or they’re mad that the UAW doesn’t want to break the promises it made over the years to provide for its retirees. Wait. That last one kinda makes sense — over the years Congress has consistently shown a willingness to break promises it had made to provide for military veterans, right?….

Clearly it’s time for Michigan to secede from the union and join Canada. Why not? Along with getting cheap meds we can share our Yooper accents and hunting and fishing stories — it’d certainly be nice to be in a country that just might appreciate us. Only drawback I see is having to print French on one side of our Frosted Flake boxes. And in a few years as our globe warms and those Southern Senators get really, really thirsty, us Canadians can look down upon them from our Great Lakes and tell them to go suck on their dry garden hoses. But politely, because Canadians are very polite. That’d be nice, too….