Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 26, 2009

Did you ever have a coach who wasn’t a very good coach? I mean, whether you liked the person or didn’t like the person, he/she was simply not a good coach. Turns out, to be a good coach you really need two things: First, you need to get yourself the position. Second, you need to coach well. Alas, some people are only good at the first part.

I had a basketball coach in 10th grade like that. One game I was playing point guard and the other team (Flint Beecher) was playing a 1-3-1 zone. Well our offense had a point, two wings, a high post, and a low post. For those of you who don’t understand or want to understand basketball terminology (and let me just say that I cannot possibly understand why you wouldn’t), what this means is that our offensive players lined up right next to their defensive players. It was as the coach said, “Get as close as possible to a player on the other team. Wherever he moves, you move with him. This will make it almost impossible for us to find an open shot let alone score points.” So as point, I would dribble the ball down court and have nobody to pass to. Coach would yell at me. Nothing helpful. Just stuff like “pass it!” Sort of like soccer parents who scream for their kids to “kick the ball in the goal.” As if the thought had never occurred to kid.

I got pulled out and while on the bench I made the helpful suggestion of maybe running two guards up top and sending the forwards down to the baselines. Translation: Let’s not stand right next to the defense. He didn’t put me back in at point guard for the rest of the game.

So it goes with our Michigan “coaches.” Governor Granholm has done a dandy job of getting elected, but she has pretty much loused up the actual governing bit, especially when it has come to budgets. Now in some defense, Michigan has been in decline for her entire seven years, so it’s not like it was an easy job. But at some point, I would have hoped she would show some leadership, acknowledge that Michigan finances have to undergo a fundamental shift to adjust to new realities, and make bold, potentially unpopular but necessary decisions. Not even close. Mike Bishop is the leader of the Senate. You could give him points for cleverly sticking to the Republican dogma of never, ever considering different revenue sources, even for the long-term benefit of the state. But that’d be like complementing him on sticking to an offense with a single point guard no matter what, even if the other team is in a 1-3-1 zone. And I believe you know how I feel about that.