Auchtoon!Disastrous Halloween Costumes…
Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 30, 2006
Vote, vote, vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a goat,
’cause goats can’t vote.
vote vote vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a candied yam,
’cause candied yams can’t vote.
So apparently there is an election today. How were we to know this? Oh yeah. The yard signs and billboards, tv ads and mailers, robo-calls and emails, the shouting, the pontificating, the bald-face lies, the hints of improprieties, the actual improprieties, the convenient omissions, the partisans, the non-partisans, the partisans pretending to be non-partisans, and the heart-felt concern for the (I, I feel a tear coming. Oh please Lord let me work up a tear!) the …children.
Truth is, I love it. What’s not to love? Sure elections can be awfully ugly and very, very messy. But tell me: What isn’t potentially ugly and messy when two or more people are involved? Cartoonists count on this stuff.
Vote, vote, vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a donut,
’cause donuts don’t vote.
Vote, vote, vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a potted plant,
’cause potted plants don’t vote.
Right. So speaking of my dim view of large groups of people, let’s talk ballot proposals. Ballot proposals are what happen when either (A) the executive or legislative branches of government cannot come up with a difficult law, so they weasel out by “letting the people decide.” Or (B) an interest group tries to bypass the system by “letting the people decide.”
Now “letting the people decide” is not in and of itself a bad thing. It makes sense for, say, school mileages. Do you want to pay a certain amount of your taxes for a certain amount of time to take care of your public schools, yes or no? Beautiful. Simple. Straight to the point.
But when it comes to deciding public policy and defining social issues, not so much. And Michigan has some lulus this year. We can vote to establish a mourning dove hunting season. (What the… Mourning doves? Hunt? You’re asking me? Where do I check “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”?) We can vote to guarantee state funding to public schools. (That sounds good — in much the same way term limits and minimum long-term prison sentences to drug possession sounded good. Might there be some unintended consequences? Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! I’ll think about that tomorrow.)
But the one that really bugs me is the so-called affirmative action proposal. Two years ago the United States Supreme Court decided on a case for the University of Michigan. Sandra Day O’Conner wrote a well-thought decision stating that establishing quotas (explicit or de-facto) for race or gender was wrong for a public universities. However, diversity on campus is a compelling reason to allow gender and race to be considered as part of a mix of admissions criteria. (Bah! Who needs well-thought decision when you can get impulsive opinion and tack it on to the constitution so it sticks?)
Vote, vote, vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a fellon,
’cause fellons can’t vote.
Vote, vote, vote,
vote, vote, vote.
Unless you are a can of ham,
’cause cans of ham can’t vote.
Well I hope you, too are a little bit angry about something as you head off to the polls today. And if you want to share the song that I’ll have in my head, check out Amy Winfrey’s School Election episode of Making Fiends. It’s short, funny, and not approved by any candidate. (Thank God.)
Mike said,
November 7, 2006 @ 5:02 pm
Was #3 in line today and cast my vote to offset the neighbor across the street’s vote for DeVos. While I was there, I did my bit for those precious morning doves and to preserve campus diversity. It struck me what a crazy assortment of issues and politics were included on my A3 size ballot. I like to think I am reasonably bright, but I admit that I was not educated on all the selections – especially for the university boards and judiciary. I elected not to guess on these items.
I fear the average voter relies far too much on straight party choices and the popular media for their info…
John said,
November 7, 2006 @ 6:10 pm
I can see where it’s tempting to vote a straight ticket. I brought in a cheat sheet, and I still spent about twice as long on my ballot as anybody around me. Even so, when I flipped the ballot to see the Supreme Court judges, I had to leave that one blank. Apparently I forgot to research it. Had no clue. So to throw doves on top of all that — sheesh!
ryan said,
November 7, 2006 @ 8:56 pm
So, was that an endorsement of Prop 2?
John said,
November 8, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Heck no! If I could’ve vote “no” twice, I would have: Once because public universities and government agencies should have the option to consider race and gender as part of a selection process. And once because there’s no way Prop 2 would have made it through the legislative process; that’s why the proponents (who don’t even live in Michigan) snuck it through the back door.
ryan said,
November 8, 2006 @ 9:34 am
Had me wondering.. since we’re in the vein: are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party? (Just kidding, didn’t mean to come off all McCarthy on yah over Prop 2.)
Unfortunately, looks like it passed; yippee, we’re officially the third-most backwards state in the union. Michigan needs a new logo, something with Red-lined counties or the rest area sign pointing whites to glowing hills and minorities toward crumbling ruins.
Dan said,
November 13, 2006 @ 12:26 pm
You should of seen the reaction I got from my neighbors when I told them I voted straight ticket Libertarian. There is always something funny about awkward silence.
Come on of course I didn’t. Natual Law all the way!
John said,
November 14, 2006 @ 11:39 am
I told one pollster who called that I was a Socialist Republican. You’re right about awkward silences….
Kris said,
November 14, 2006 @ 12:22 pm
Ah, you Michiganders are crazy. Good luck with that diversity powderkeg you’re officially sitting on. I got an email from the UofM assuring me that they are working on a plan and will have some kind of plan and will let me know what that plan is in December with regard to ensuring diversity of the student population continues to work somehow. Those have to be some fun meetings. I picture those poor administrators are all stuck in conference rooms talking in circles and missing out on the insane campus build up to the BIG GAME!
Out east where we jetisoned any rements of Romney, we also decided that supermarkets may NOT sell wine. You know, it’s supermarkets today then convenience stores tomorrow, then comes the beer and next thing you know, the liquor will flow from our own faucets. And yes, John, what (sniff) about (sniff) the children? What I learned is that the state, er, I mean the liquor lobby is more powerful than the grocery/retail store lobby. What I missed was the evidence that underage drinking here is significantly different than states like Michigan.
John said,
November 14, 2006 @ 1:50 pm
Big game? The CMU/WMU gave was last Saturday. The Chips won in a blowout!
We bought a box of wine at the grocery store yesterday. We’re going to hell….
Jane said,
November 14, 2006 @ 2:56 pm
Hey now. That box of wine was fully endorsed by the very persuasive wine expert on PBS’s The Splendid Table (Delicato California Shiraz ($16)). While drinking in moderation I will lower my chances of developing heart disease AND it will help prevent LDL (bad) cholesterol. Plus we saved gas by purchasing it at the grocery store with our milk and bread. No special stop at the seedy liquor store for me.
ryan said,
November 16, 2006 @ 9:30 am
John, you only go to hell now if you buy that wine in Zeeland; I’m pretty sure the passing of that measure negated all mortal alcohol-purchasing sins for other communities.
Did the Chips really beat the Broncos? I guess I need to re-up my alumni contributions.