Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, January 11, 2010

So after the attempted bombing of the Christmas day Northwest flight to Detroit, Pete Hoekstra — a US congressperson from West Michigan — had an error in judgment. And I’m going to call it an error in judgment because, given the circumstances, I think — I hope — that that was all it was.

Circumstance #1: Pete Hoekstra is the ranking member (leader of the minority party) of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, which means he is privy to all sorts of information on international terrorism and what is going on behind the scenes. That makes him something of a go-to guy when it comes to these issues. For intelligence matters, Pete Hoekstra is somebody. For other matters, Pete Hoekstra is a congressy something or other from one of those states nobody cares about. So “terrorism-related” is right in Hoekstra’s wheelhouse, and when it happens, he’s gonna be swinging.

Circumstance #2: Pete Hoekstra is running as a Republican candidate for Michigan this year. There are lots of Republican candidates, and they all profess their strong dissatisfaction with the current governor (a Democrat) and president who either have already ruined everything or are in the process of. It’s a good strategy. Really good. (Think of how well “I’m not George W. Bush” worked in 2008.) So it’s difficult to tell the candidates apart. Hoekstra is in big need of an issue to differentiate himself.

Interesting Side Note: Why is Pete Hoekstra running for Governor when he could have easily gotten himself re-elected to the US House in a prestigious committee position? I don’t know. Guilt I think. In 1992 Hoekstra got himself elected largely on the populist promise of self-imposed term limits. A fellow Republican, Guy Vander Jagt, had held that particular West Michigan seat for 26 years and fully intended to hold it for life. Hoekstra said that if he won, he would serve for no more than six terms. But when 2004 rolled around, he ran. It was fine with me. I think term limits for congress folks are stupid, short-sighted, and liable to either be ignored or broken if at all possible. So I hold no animosity toward Hoekstra for that.

Error in Judgment: Hoekstra (or more likely, his people) saw the Christmas underpants bomber as a golden opportunity — an issue very clearly his own that would set him apart (and raise money!). Soon after the event, the Hoekstra campaign sent out a fundraising letter saying, essentially, “if you hate terrorists like I do and are afraid of the Obama administration allowing them to fly to your house willy-nilly, then you should elect me governor (no, wait!, first send money, then elect me governor) because I know whole bunches of stuff about these things that you wouldn’t understand and they hate you, so, um, yeah, I should be governor. Don’t forget about the money thing.”

Kind of hard to follow the logic, huh? Ahh, I’ll let this one pass. But no money for you, Mr. Hoekstra.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, January 4, 2010

You know, I may have had something clever to add here about Michigan’s current economic predicament, but then, well,  there was this earthquake in Haiti and I’m mostly feeling blessed about living in Michigan at the moment….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, December 28, 2009

Yet another invasive species is making its way to the Great Lakes, four of which make a shoreline with our beleaguered state of Michigan. This time it’s the Asian carp, a large and nasty fish that would gobble up and muscle out the native plants and creatures, which is bad enough. But they also have an alarming tendency to leap out of the water when agitated by motors — motors on the boats of, say, unsuspecting fishing enthusiasts who might then seek to avoid spending their fishing time in Michigan and spending their fishing money. What’s next? A plague of locust?

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, December 2009

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, December 21, 2009

Sure was a fun year here in Michigan, huh? Weeeeeee!

Hmmm… reviewing my past few posts it’s clear I’m filled with that annoying indignation that fills so many blogs (and radio waves and comment boards and…). So before I have to be visited by Christmas ghosts, let me reset and sincerely wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, December 14, 2009

In case I haven’t already made this obvious in previous efforts, I think the notion that all government is bad and ruins everything it touches is, for lack of more articulate word, dumb. Yes, many things government touches do not go well, and it is good to think through what should and should not come under its control. But it is just plain counterproductive to argue that anything “government” — especially in a constitutional republic like ours with its checks and balance and disfunctional but free press — is fundamentally bad. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the National Institutes of Health and how it is helping to fund our Van Andel Institute.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, December 7, 2009

A few years ago I was in Washington DC in July. For those of you who don’t know, DC is a swamp. Or rather, it was built in what was formerly (and, some would argue, is currently) a sweaty, steaming, thick, suffocating swamp. So if you are fool enough to go out for a run (and I was), it’s best to do it in the early morning before all the oxygen goes away. It is also a safer time to wind yourself through the city before it becomes packed with people and cars.

This particular morning I ran from the Elliot Spitzer Hotel (that’s not the real name; I can’t seem to recall it. I could Google it. It’s the hotel where Spitzer hooked up when he was in town. I tell you this because I think it’s really sad that this is what I do remember. Wow. Will future stories of Florida be relatable only through Tiger Woods references?) But I digress. I ran from the hotel, down past the White House, on to the Mall, and eventually made my way to the Lincoln Memorial just as the park workers started to allow people on to the grounds. And I was the only people.

I ran up the steps and stood dripping with sweat before the great man, just me and him. A look one side to read the Gettysburg Address chiseled into the wall. A look to the other side to read his second inauguration address. A turn to see the sun rising over the Washington Monument and the Capitol beyond. And then back to the run. I have never felt so “one” with my country. Not necessarily patriotic (which I think is best exemplified by Mel Brooks’s 2000 year-old man’s national anthem for his cave) — but a feeling that I am the United States and the United States is me.

“…and that government: of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”

So we can argue and discuss the necessary roles of our government and its optimal size, but we should not forget that it, our government, is us. Trying to disassociate ourselves with a “the dern government screws up everything” won’t work. It’s weak and cowardly. If something is screwed up, it’s because we all screwed it up. And we all better get serious about fixing it. It won’t be nice, and it won’t be easy. You can ask Abraham Lincoln about that.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 30, 2009

Yeah, me grousing again. Nothing wrong with that in an editorial cartoon, I suppose. But now that I look at it again, it makes me happy — that’s a young Atticus and a young Natalina with a penguin shirt in frame 4. Good heavens they were sweet. (I’m drawing Ellie in a Family comic right now, so she’ll be showing up soon.)

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 23, 2009

I’m sure you’re familiar with the term, “the power of positive thinking.” You know, the idea that if you really want something — to achieve success, to gain a position, to win a contest, whatever — that it’s just a matter of believing in yourself. It pushes you to accomplish goals you could not if you were paralyzed with self-doubt. I think positive thinking is great. Well,… mostly. Because I also think there’s a “danger of positive thinking.” Sometimes, positive thinking can lead one to willfully disregard obvious signals that perhaps the goal itself is not the best choice. It can lead to a certain delusion with strengths and weaknesses and how they apply to accomplishing the goal (and what might happen it if were actually achieved). Ah, but you read the comic, so I’m guessing you know where I’m going with this.

My big problem with Sarah Palin is that she is the very poster child for the danger of positive thinking. Look, she is saavy. She is bright enough to know how to play the game. She seems to have convictions. But honestly, when the McCain camp got it in their heads to offer her the position of running mate, she should have said what she supposedly said about that “Road to Nowhere” money: Thanks, but no thanks. Why did she say yes? Well, from what I can gather, it had something to do with duty and honor with a bit of self-destiny sprinkled in. But what actually got her to pull the trigger was convincing herself she could do the job. And for me, she has done nothing since that point but prove that she absolutely could not do the job. Clearly when you find yourself a year later blaming Katie Couric for ambushing you with legitimate questions there is a deeper problem. Which is, I don’t believe she has the intellectual capacity to be president, and there’s no amount of positive thinking that will ever get her there.

Now, is intellectual capacity the only determinant for what makes a good president? No. If that were true, we’d be reminiscing about the good times of Jimmy Carter’s second term. (Bright person, less than stellar president.) But c’mon now, no matter your political persuasion, don’t you like the idea of your President being up to the challenge of thinking through problems? Somebody who can give you an articulate answer to semi-expected questions? And don’t give me that “the liberal media set her up” nonsense. She is trying to hide a weakness. Much in the same way the Clintons tried to throw the focus from their weaknesses with their “vast right-wing conspiracy” nonsense. And the weakness is — no matter her beliefs, her politics, her sex — she is not that bright.

So you might have heard that Ms. Palin wrote a book. <insert snarky comment about what she actually wrote here> And you might have heard she kicked off her book tour in Grand Rapids, Michigan. That was enough to allow me to express my feelings toward Ms. Palin (a self-serving, ambitious but empty quitter who blessed her home state by leaving) with our own train-wreck of a governor, Jennifer Granholm. I guess props to Gov. Granholm for sticking it out here in Michigan when she probably could have snagged a job in the incoming Obama administration. But it truly has been a horrible year of governing for her. As a lame-duck in a state everybody acknowledges has been bleeding primarily from auto industry wounds, she had more than enough political cover to put forth some bold plans and make game-changing decisions. She has done neither. In fact, her strategy turned out to be allowing a budget to pass that she didn’t much like and then begging people to amend it afterward. (Trying to rally college students to demand the return of scholarship money she allowed to slip away — that was really special.)

Next week: Perhaps something with a bit more holiday cheer.