Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 21, 2008

And I am quite sure that there have been airplane passengers who have complained to their friends after having shared a seat next to me: “He was all arms and legs and constantly working to get a piece of the arm rest! He was chomping Good & Plentys and the black licorice juice ran out of the corners on his mouth and dried there like some erstwhile Alice Cooper! And he kept his nose in a book the whole time pretending like he didn’t want to talk about my Franklin Mint collectables or marital issues!”

As for the comic itself, Northwest already dominates our local airport like an extremely large person can dominate a row of aircraft seats. The merger with Delta will only make them larger. Could end up being okay if some competition shows up, but in the meantime we may have no choice but to squeeze into the window seat….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 14, 2008

Michigan roads are notoriously bad, what with our endless freeze/thaw cycles and a maintenance budget that has been bled nearly to death (and a fresh infusion of gas taxes highly unlikely). At least we natives are prepared. We navigate the streets like drunken opossum, staying low, sniffing out possible danger, and swerving wildly when it’s detected. Pity the unassuming tourists coming to seek a pleasant peninsula and making the mistake of taking their eyes off the road momentarily to look about them. WHAM! There goes the alignment….

If I had to do this comic over again (and I always think exactly that when I post these things), I would have spent more time looking for a Photoshop filter with a sharper, more “shatter” effect. I settled for this one under deadline pressure. I think you get the general idea that the driver is hitting potholes, but you may also assume that he also dropped acid at the state line. [Cue Jefferson Airplane sound effect.]

Hmmm… providing LSD to mitigate the unpleasantness of having your car consumed by the highway may actually be a cost effective solution for the state. Or it may be a bad tip, man. [Cue ABC Afterschool Special program.]

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 7, 2008

This particular comic is clearly the work of a pre-vacation mind. It has all the tell-tale signs: words that are only slightly distilled into comic form, deep dark sarcasm, general bitterness. This comes from the sprint to work a week ahead and tie up loose ends before the vacation begins. Not to mention the planning and packing squeezed out of precious sleeping hours.

So I think it’s obvious I was an over-caffeinated mess lamenting in a very direct way — why should I have to work so hard when others don’t try and get a “do-over”? Why is my sweat subsidizing their extravagance? My caution supporting their carelessness? All valid, to be sure, but also very much a product of my mental state.

And now having been to the San Francisco Bay area and back on a grand family vacation, I’m taken slightly aback. Life just doesn’t seem to need to be so caustic. No doubt the acid will return when the vacation bills start rolling in…. 

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 31, 2008

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 24, 2008

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, August 2001

Speaking of not much new, I was going back through my cartooning archives for another project and happened across this comic. Back in the olden days (pre-2004), I used to send my comics and comments as an email with attachment. This is one of them. I was struck by the similarities between today’s economic conditions and then. Comments from the email are below:

Our daughter, Natalina, is prone to carsickness. Or, in her lexicon, “sometimes I puke in the van.” Of course, she doesn’t like doing this. We can hear the tremor of fear in her sweet six-year-old voice when she feels it coming on. And yet, she’s absolutely fascinated by it. We’ll be hopping in the van for a trip across state, and she’ll wonder aloud, “Hmmm, I wonder if I’m gonna puke.” And we’ll say, “Natalina, don’t think about it. Let’s talk about something else.” And she’ll give you that patented Natalina smile (cheeks way up but no teeth) and a blink of those beautiful eyes to make you think that she acknowledged what you said, and she’ll continue on, “Last time I puked on my penguin blanket. I had Cheerios for breakfast. Some of ’em weren’t even chewed up….”

She just can’t let it go even though talking about it is just going to hasten the event. The other two aren’t any help, either. Elisira: “No, last time you puked on the floor and Mom’s hands.” Atticus: “I want some Cheerios! Momma, can I have some Cheerios?”

I was thinking about this (I don’t know why) as I read an article in Newsweek gleefully listing the reasons why a recession is imminent, and it hit me: Those in the business of talking about business seem to be fascinated with our economy puking. I don’t think things are so bad. I think there are a lot of positive economic things going on. But lately there seems to be no end of pundits who delight in describing sauerkraut ice-cream and then asking us if we’re feeling queasy.

All I want to say is, “cut it out!!!” They’re playing with my life here. I know certain things aren’t going well. I know there’s a definite chance that we could slide into recession. But, geez Louise, if all we do is talk about how consumer confidence is the firewall between us and financial hardship and that consumer confidence is slowing, dropping, waning, failing, tanking, dead, DEAD, DEAD!!! — what do ya think is going to happen? And who’s happy except the economists who get to say “I told you so” as they clean out their desks and head on down to the breadline….

The real truth is, Jane and I are strongly considering adding on to our house, and I don’t need any more fuel for my worry machine, thank you very much. So, please, think positively, buy something with that refund check, and don’t think about throwing up….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 17, 2008

More Michigan politics. Sadly, not much new here….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 10, 2008

I realize that as a consumer I’ve probably made decisions and participated in behaviors which have driven our economy toward a recession, but I’m getting a bit tired of sanctimonious economists pointing this out on a daily basis….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 3, 2008

Yes, yes. I realize to understand this comic that you have to be familiar with both the play/movie from the 1950s named “A Streetcar Named Desire” and the latest public transportation planning in Grand Rapids, Michigan, which essentially qualifies about, oh, nobody. But it was a chance to try something new with Photoshop. Alas, I don’t think that part turned out either.

But, hey, if you like cartoons with great literary references and without the murky Photoshop filling, seek the master: Jef Mallett and his strip Frazz.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, February 25, 2008

Let’s face it — for Michigan and us Michiganians herein, we haven’t had a great millennium so far. I’m not saying we don’t have potential. I’m just saying our track record for being right has not been good and that the smart money isn’t necessarily on us. Which makes it that much more pathetic that the Clinton camp is pushing hard to seat our delegates at the Democratic National Convention this summer.

If you recall, Michigan (and Florida) ticked off the Democratic Party by moving their primaries up in the calendar in hopes of relevancy. The party said, “Do it and we won’t seat your delegates.” They did it anyway. As a result, hardly any Democratic candidates campaigned here. Our Democratic governor Jennifer Granholm (a Clinton supporter) carried the state for Clinton. Now there that the race is again close, there is talk of seating the delegates and possible do-overs and fairness and “who’s going to pay for this?” and lots of assorted posturing.

I suppose the attention is nice, and maybe that lurch at relevancy is actually working out. But honestly, would you really want us on your team right now?