Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, August 6, 2007

If Michigan has one thing going for it (and after several years of economic recession, it sometimes feels like it may be the only thing), it is our abundance of fresh water. Twenty percent of the world’s fresh surface water is contained in the five great lakes and four of the five great lakes touch our shorelines. Michigan is so dominated by these lakes that our state is split in two: the Upper and Lower peninsulas, and has given us what is surely the most awkward of all state mottos, “If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you.” Seriously.

For the first 120 years of statehood, Michigan’s two peninsulas weren’t even connected. A stretch of water five miles wide called the Straits of Mackinac (a channel between Lake Michigan and Lake Huron) provided the closest point. In 1957 the Mackinac Bridge (aka, Mighty Mac, or simply “The Bridge”) was completed, and the peninsulas were linked.

I wanted to draw a comic that would commemorate this 50 year anniversary as well as address some modern concerns: Lake levels are approaching historic lows, the world is warming, the population of decidedly drier states is booming, and Michigan’s political influence is waning. You do the math. That giant sucking sound that Ross Perot heard back in the ’90s might just turn out to be the water draining out of Michigan….

(For more info on what I meant by “invasive species problem,” click here.)

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 30, 2007

Right. Just got back from a week’s vacation on the beach. And while I did endeavor to engage in slightly higher literary pursuits (read my first Christopher Moore novel: A Dirty Job. Brilliant!), I also couldn’t help but to catch up on pop culture, what with the ubiquitous newspapers and entertainment magazines. So apparently that Lohan girl/woman is back in rehab. And that Michael Vick dude has destroyed his football career. And Britney should be back in rehab. And an NBA ref took gambling money to throw basketball games. And Nicole Richie is going to jail. And Adam Sandler made another stupid movie. And Paris Hilton is out of jail. And so on…

The thing that struck me about all this, the common thread, was how indignant the reporters and commentators tend to be. They are shocked, shocked! at this behavior. Really? I’m not. Now don’t get me wrong. What these people have done was certainly inexcusable and more definitely avoidable. But when you consider the money involved and the human condition, it’s not hard to understand why this stuff happens.

So in this week’s comic, I’m not at all shocked that several local pension board members took what clearly was a boondoggle trip to Hawaii earlier this year and stuck taxpayers with the $37,000 bill. I just think that they should pay it back. Now that would be shocking….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 23, 2007

Being a protective father of two daughters, the story of Laura Dickinson and her death at death earlier this year at Eastern Michigan University definitely hit a chord. Actually, not so much because of the actual crime — I don’t want to minimize the awfulness in any way, but the 24/7 global news feeds me these types of stories every day, every minute if I’d let it. No, the thing that struck me about this was the cover up by EMU administrators and their subsequent bodacious settlement with the university.

Weasels! Sniveling weasels who not only get off scot-free with, at best, gross incompetence, at worst, criminal negligence — but also with a lovely parting gift!!! I more or less have to accept the fact that bad things can happen to my kids. Such is life. But what I cannot accept is a severe lack of justice when those bad things are brought to light.

It should be simple. When you are the person in charge, you are the person in charge. That means you are responsible for your actions and the actions of your subordinates. If they fail, you fail. If you fail, you fail. No generic “mistakes were made.” No “I’ve decided it’s time for everybody to move on.” No big cash prizes. Apparently this isn’t being taught at EMU….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, July 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 16, 2007

I hardly ever floss my teeth, and I don’t take very good care of my lawn mower. I know better, of course. In the long run, exemplary oral hygiene and small motor maintenance would only save me health and money. But there’s only so much time a day. And there are thousands of other should do’s (paying the bills, getting cardio-vascular exercise, reading cartoons) that I do maintain. Something’s got to give and for me it’s teeth and lawn.

And saving for college tuitions. We do our best, but with three children rapidly heading toward collage age, there’s just no way, no freakin’ way, to save enough money. Over the course of the next month, Michigan universities are announcing hikes (generally in the double-digits) for this coming year’s tuition. It’s crazy and more than I can carry around on a daily basis. My concern is that my kids will end up carrying a debt most of their adult lives.

Man, I really have to figure out how to get a PayPal donation button on this blog….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 9, 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, July 2, 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, June 25, 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, June 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, June 18, 2007