Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, May 4, 2009

Lots of backstory I don’t have time to tell, but the sentiment in panel four is fairly universal.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 27, 2009

ArtPrize was all the buzz here in West Michigan at the end of last month. Click the name for details, but in quick summary: There was a teaser build-up to a secret announcement from the grandson of Amway co-founder Rick DeVos. Mr DeVos promised something new and big that would be a tremendous boost to both the prestige and economy of West Michigan. The media frothed over the possibilities: a new movie studio was the leading guess, but most were pretty scattered. (It’s funny — up until a few years ago the universal guess in these parts would have been “automotive assembly plant.” Times change quickly.)

Turns out it will be an art competition to be held within the center of Grand Rapids in various public venues for a significant amount of money — top prize, $250,000. The reaction from many was what you might expect for something new and different — I don’t get it. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t entirely get it myself. But that’s are large part of the appeal — I’m looking forward to seeing what happens, participating in public voting, and hanging out downtown a bit more this summer and fall.

So for the comic, I grabbed various examples of art-ish stuff that had suffered similar initially dismissive reactions:

• Painting. Piaccso. Actually, my favorite Picasso is Guernica (which is really an editorial cartoon), but it was too horizontal and I had moral issues with cropping it.
• Dance. Martha Graham. This photo makes me think of my Grandmother Hallman, who was a dancer. Man, what I wouldn’t give to see a film clip of her when she was in vaudeville.
• Film. Chaplin’s Modern Times. Actually my favorite Chaplin film is “The Great Dictator.” (The last scene when he makes his plea for humanity at the Nazi-like rally… sends chills every time.) However, an unstated rule of editorial cartooning is “don’t use a Hitler image unless you… you know what? Just never use a Hitler image.”
• Architecture. Frank Lloyd Wright. Here’s the thing — I don’t like anything that he ever designed. I just don’t. But I thought it important to include something that many acknowledge as great, but I don’t appreciate.
• Music. The Beatles. A more obvious choice here might have been to go with Sgt. Peppers. But by then, they were already widely praised. And if I were going with favorites, I would have used “Revolver.”

My friend Rosemary again asked me to participate in this year’s National Doodle Day, a fundraising event to benefit NF, Inc., an organization dedicated to providing support to individuals and families affected by neurofibromatosis (NF). Neurofibromatosis is a genetic disorder that affects one in every 2,500 births. NF is more common than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy and Huntington’s Disease combined. Funds raised from the Doodle Day auction will go to support education, advocacy, coalitions, and research for treatments and a cure. For more specifics and links, check out: http://www.doodledayusa.org

Various folks contribute a quick sketch or doodle, and these are auctioned off on eBay starting May 7th and closing May 17th. Check out the gallery: http://www.doodledayusa.org/gallery/v/2009/

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, April 2009

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 20, 2009

Two West Michigan things you need to know:

• Our minor league baseball team, the West Michigan Whitecaps, recently generated international media coverage with the introduction of a new sandwich at their home ballpark: the Fifth Third burger. (The ballpark is named after Fifth Third Bank, possibly the most confusing business name ever, but as it turns out, works well for a burger which has five 1/3 pound patties.) It was the perfect counter-story — that is, in these times of belt-tightening and prudent behavior, folks around the world seemed delighted to be presented with an ostentatious display of gluttony.
• Next Tuesday we’ll be heading to the polls to vote on a millage for a new high-speed bus route, the Silver Line. Like all initial efforts in public transportation, it seems like a clumsy idea and potentially wasteful. Until it’s there and people start to use it, then it will be great and seem like it’s always been there.

And here’s something that you really don’t need to know, but I’m going to tell you anyway. The last time I recall overeating to the point of physical pain was when I was a sophomore in college — during the last week of school the dorm cafeteria had Italian Food night. After a year of Salisbury steak doused in A1 sauce and the quality of salad fixins you’d expect to find in Houghton, Michigan in 1983 (not good, not good), I had no self-control. I ate twice my body weight and maybe one of my own fingers. I remember barely getting back to my 5th floor room and falling like a wounded cow on to the floor. I wanted to throw up but feared the pressure would be so great that my digestive tract would be turned inside-out. After a couple of hours I was finally able move around again. Yeech! So, no, I won’t be ordering a Fifth Third burger anytime soon.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 13, 2009

Back in the late 1980s, Kevin Nealon used to do this bit on Saturday Night Live where he was a TV interviewer who’s entire goal was to make the interviewee cry. So no matter who he was talking with, he’d ask probing questions about tragedies they might have experienced, times that they were very sad, perhaps a death of a loved one, or a favorite pet. And when they finally were reduced to tears, he’d turn toward the camera and smile. (I’ve already spent more time than I should searching for a clip, so if one of you find one, let me know and I’ll insert it here.)

This kept going through my mind during the Final Four weekend earlier this month. The NCAA men’s basketball finals were being played in Detroit and the Michigan State Spartans were, as underdogs from the underdog Big Ten conference and the underdog state of Michigan, the feel-good story. Quite a few State players hale from Michigan, so the national press and CBS just were just thrilled to ask them: Any of your family unemployed? Are times tough? What’s it like to live in a slum? Are you hungry now? How does this make you feel? It was a week-long SNL skit.

I was disappointed, sure, but not surprised. Michigan has become a tabloid story to the rest of the world and all those stories must include the words “unemployment, rust, decay, and heartbreaking.” Whatever. As I’ve said before, when parched folks outside our borders come sniffing around for fresh water in a few years, we’ll gladly provide them with a big brimming cup of kiss our ass. But for the few who happen to report about something positive before then — say, about the Michigan State Medical School being built here in Grand Rapids — come on in and have a swim!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, April 6, 2009

Just looking for fairness in an unfair world….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 30, 2009

I took my first job out of college in 1986. I went to work for Thermotron Industries in Holland, Michigan. Thermotron was (and is) a manufacturer of environmental test chambers. The idea is that if you want to make sure a product works under specific conditions (temperatures, humidity, vibrations, and so on), you test it first in one of these chambers. Soon after starting I was privileged to experience the first of many “why government is worthless” rants by a native West Michigander. I forget who it was or why he was doing it, but it likely had something to do with payday and deductions. It was good theater. He was quite passionate — lots of “stupid wastes of money” and “stay the hell out of my life” and “killing the working man.”

I enjoyed it, but later it struck as a bit hypocritical. You see at the time the country was in the middle of a massive military build up — huge amounts of taxpayer money (and future debt) were being poured into modernizing the armed forces. Defense contractors ramped up to meet the need and were keen to make sure the stuff they were manufacturing actually worked. Ipso facto, approximately 75% of Thermotron sales were to defense contractors, which meant a greater portion of each employees’ paycheck was provided by (and not taken by) Uncle Sam. Ah, the circle of life.

So I want to be clear about my point in this week’s comic. I am not a neo-Reagnite who believes that all government is inherently bad. If the past six months have demonstrated nothing else, it has proven without doubt that any large organization can be equally adept at wasting money: banks, insurance companies, automobile manufacturers, branches of the military, and of course the federal government. What we should want, what we should expect — what we deserve — is some accountability from them. We can’t wish them all away — the void would simply be filled by other large organizations. (Ever read “Animal Farm”?) To get accountability there is got to be some checks and balances, some auditing, some tweaking, some informed reporting — a lot messier than “stay the hell out of my life,” but potentially more fruitful.

Oh. My point: West Michigan is getting hosed by the federal government. And if we can’t get some accountability, how about some free pie?

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, March 23, 2009

Nothing I can add here, really….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, March 2009