Auchtoon!

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 19, 2007

We began the year celebrating local boy made good, Gerald Ford, and close the year lamenting local boy made bad, Blackwater founder Erik Prince. This, of course, is painting a very cartoonish picture. Ford wasn’t all good; I’m guessing Prince isn’t all bad. But for the purposes of how it all reflects on our corner on the world, it’s a pretty stark contrast. Amazing how two people can take a God-centered, patriotic, family-value upbringing and then head off in completely different directions….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 12, 2007

When certain municipalities and universities try to continue granting domestic partner benefits in the face of a Michigan constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, that’s called whining.

When certain businesses and chambers of commerce try to continue exemptions for various service industries in the face of a new Michigan sales tax increase, that’s called democracy.

See the difference? Neither do I….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 5, 2007

Anybody — with the exception pandering Republican presidential hopefuls — will tell you that government has a necessary role in economic development. To me, that role is one of physician: Government is there to encourage healthy growth while performing periodic examinations to check for trouble. Simple enough. The system makes sense and has every possibility of working. No need to stop going to the doctor. (Conversely, there’s also no need let the doctors take over completely. Re: pandering Democratic presidential hopefuls.)

So if there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with the system, what’s the problem for Michigan businesses? Well, they have had (and continue to have) an extraordinarily incompetent doctor. And having reached the age when annual physicals sometimes involve cavity searches, nothing brings that image home like sandpaper gloves…..

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 29, 2007

It’s always a goal to distill my editorial cartoons down to as few words as possible. And every once in a while — when the subject is universal and the supporting image is iconic — I’m able to get there….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 22, 2007

Watching my kids going through the latest round of standardized testing for school these past few weeks, I was inspired by their lack of inspiration. “Did you learn anything at school today?” “Nah, we had MEAPs*….” Sigh…

* Michigan Educational Assessment Program

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Family magazine, October 2007

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 15, 2007

Several years ago, I was bought out of an employment contract (which basically means that I was sacked but with a really nice severance). So at the end of that year my little family had a significant hunk of extra income on our balance sheet. Now understand that I wasn’t complaining then and I’m not complaining now, but that income pushed us up a bracket or two tax-wise and THE &$%@^#! GOVERNMENT WAS TAKING MY MONEY!!! I never felt so Republican in all my life….

Just goes to prove what may seem like a decent idea in the abstract can turn out to be devil’s very own work when it affects you personally. Democrats as a whole are perfectly willing to raise taxes. (Just as Republicans are willing to make cuts.) But when it’s your money that gets taxed or your service that gets cut, well, that just ain’t right. “How did this happen?!” is a legitimate question to ask. But be prepared to get “with apparent randomness” as the answer.

Earlier this month, Michigan’s legislature in a crazed flurry to stave off a state shutdown put together a package that applied the state sales tax to certain services heretofore exempt. It is quite an eclectic list: office administration, landscaping, carpet cleaning. It’s also terribly confusing: Why tax skiing and not golf? What exactly constitutes “personal care services”? Why does “warehousing” and “mini-warehousing” both need to be specified? This week’s comic is my attempt to provide some context….

Oh, and the asterisk is meant to lead you to a translation for the Latin phrase. It’s an extra dig at the legislature whose own taxes and services remain untouched.

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 8, 2007

It shouldn’t be news to any of you — whether you live here or just read this blog — that Michigan is down. And not just losing to Appalachian State down (although that certainly didn’t help). No, economically, politically, spiritually down. Our state’s unemployment rate is highest in the country — a full percentage point over our next “competitor.” Our state government recently took us to the brink of shut down and then — finally facing reality after years of denial and shell games — raised taxes to keep crippled services hobbling along. Our state’s automotive industry celebrates new labor agreements by shrinking even more.

And so (ever the contrarian), I looked for some good news, and as it turns out, it was easy to find here in West Michigan. In the span of a few days, we had three openings, each startlingly positive in their own way:

• The new Grand Rapids Art Museum opened in a marquee spot of downtown. It’s an impressive community investment in not just the arts but in city life. Local leaders in government, business, arts all got together to build a beautiful new home for celebrating creativity and with very little friction.
• The JW Marriott luxury hotel opened near the existing Amway Grand Hotel and the DeVos Convention Center. Yeah, we might be a mid-size post-industrial Midwestern city, but there’s something more happening when a building like this goes up. Again, our local rich guys invested their money and their expertise back into the local economy. They don’t have to do that, ya know.
• The new Metro Health hospital and ancillary building opened in Wyoming on the growing south side of the area. Metro previously was in a landlocked portion of the city with limited prospects for growth or even survival. As the smallest of Grand Rapid’s three major hospital systems, its future was somewhat bleak. But with its new facilities, it has created a whole new center of economic development (not to mention a huge expansion of medical services). Bonus: Its previous facilities are being renovated for elder care.

Sure, none of this changes the fact that it will soon again be February in Michigan (and it’s gonna suck), but it’s nice to enjoy the sun’s warmth when it shines….

“Supremus totus , servo nostrum beneficium” is Latin for “Above all, protect our benefits.”

The comic for this will be published in the October 15 Grand Rapids Business Journal….

Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 1, 2007

When you’re 16 and lifting weights in the basement while your parents are talking with a neighbor upstairs in the kitchen just beyond the open basement door, and you just finished your last rep and go to put the bar back on the holder and it slips and it crashes onto your thighs and you say, “F-bomb!” and because F-bombs are actually lighter than air it floats upstairs to the sudden and coincidental pause in conversation, what you should have said was …nothing.

When it’s after 10:00 at night, and it has been a long, long day, and you’ve said “Good Night” to your kids several many multiple times but they never seem to actually go to bed and you’re about to pass out and you hear a kid walking in the hall and you shout, “I swear I’m going to break your legs so you stay in bed!” and it turns out the kid was coming to you because she just lost a tooth, what you should have said was …nothing.

When you’re on the Grand Rapids Public School Board and you’re frustrated because hundreds of parents send their kids to suburban schools for various reasons but at the very least they are the kind of parents concerned enough about their children’s education to be active participants and you say to them, “You’re a bunch of racists and if don’t like the schools in Grand Rapids, then move someplace else.” what you really should have said was, …nothing.